Like most people, I often sit at home reading the news or watching political commentary and start gritting my teeth at the sometimes incompetent people involved in government. And I am not talking about Obama. I am a fan of his mostly (although his policies toward the war in the Middle East and his position on whistleblowers needs work in my opinion). No I am talking about the many members of Congress and the Senate and all of the talking head bureaucrats that fill up our legislative branch, sucking money and resources out of the country for doing nothing. In the last 8 years most of them have done nothing but halt social progress at every turn all while taking a big fat paycheck (not to mention kickbacks) and leave a once thriving Middle Class in the dust. Also like most people, I sometimes get angry at the lack of common sense solutions these people seem to have. A true armchair political analyst, I often form plans or actions in my head that I would like to see America put forth but that I know will never happen, for many reasons. And yet, most of the things on my list would probably seem like pretty rational solutions to some. But never look for rationality in government. So here is my bullet point list, just for fun, of 15 things that I believe would make our country a better place. This will all be in layman's terms. I have the same amount of political/governmental knowledge as the average human. Maybe less. This list will also be skewed to my beliefs, obviously. I am a Liberal Progressive, so someone in the deep South will probably hate this list. But these are just some thoughts.
1) Legalize all drugs - Seriously, it is 2016. Why, at least, isn't pot legal? Nobody who's high on pot goes on a killing rampage with a machete in a shopping mall. The dude probably couldn't even make it off the couch or hold a weapon with all of the Doritos dust on his fingers. Pot makes me happy, as it does almost everyone I know who has taken it. Colorado made pot legal, and saw an influx of millions of dollars in revenue. Imagine that on a country-wide scale with all drugs. America, as of 2016, has spent upwards of 1 trillion dollars in the War on Drugs. 1 trillion dollars that could have been spent on food or rehabilitation programs for the homeless, infrastructure repairs, or any other number of things. And in all that time and all that money spent, have our laws against drugs made them any less appealing for people who might want to use them or any less easy to get or curbed ANY drug taking activity? The answer is a resounding NO by anyone's standards. The government should subsidize drugs. Start making its own product, start taxing the shit out of people who want to use them, and put all of the money we were wasting on the war against it into rehabilitation services when people do want to quit.
2) Legalize prostitution - Here's another "crime" that shouldn't really be a crime. Most of my belief's come down to personal choice. And what bigger personal choice could you make about your own body than to make money off of it? Why is it okay for Jennifer Lopez to insure her ass for millions of dollars which ostensibly places a dollar value on her physical sexuality, and not okay for a 35 year old woman in Minnesota to place a dollar value on her vagina? It's just a moral judgement we make. I am very non-judgmental when it comes to sex, so as long as the two people engaging in prostitution are both willing adults, why should we even care? If you legalized and levied a tax against prostitution alone you could probably end hunger in America.
3) Impose strict term limits and job requirements on members of Congress and the Senate - This should be common sense. No more career politicians who get paid 100k a year and do absolutely nothing. Four years of service is all you get, and only then you get it on the proviso that you produce at least 5 bills of importance a year and work at least 40 hours a week with four weeks of vacation like the fucking rest of us. No more government shutdowns. You refuse to do your job, we'll have somebody waiting to get right in. Essentially these jobs should be considered a public works program, not something that only rich people are able to campaign for.
4) Take money out of politics - No corporate support for politicians. No kickbacks. No promises to vote against renewable energy in return for a private jet and five weeks of vacation at a beach resort owned by Exxon. This is all bullshit that we allow to continue simply because "It's the way it's always been done." If you accept a gift from a corporate sponsor, you go to jail. Period. It should be considered treason. People in a position of legislative power need to vote and act based on their conscience and in the best interests of the country, not based on an under the table discount on stock in Bank of America.
5) Give every American full and equal rights - This should also be a no brainer, but here it is 2016 and Conservative Republicans are STILL spending countless man hours and millions of dollars fighting against equal marriage which was made legal by federal mandate over a year ago. Not to mention that in a huge number of states LGBTQ people can still be fired from their job or evicted from their home simply for being queer. Enough is enough. We should drag these hateful religious conservative assholes into the new millennium by their fucking collars and if they're not willing to obey the law and follow the path of progress like the rest of us, someone else will be more than happy to fill their vacated legislative job. We'll have plenty of jobs open repairing bridges and roads with all of this new money we'll have coming in from taxing drugs and prostitution so they can pick up a shovel and get right to work on that. My sympathy level, as you can tell, is exactly nil for these people. Their free ride is over.
6) Ban all guns except those needed for hunting (ie handguns, rifles, shotguns) and require extremely strict licensing for those - I'm sick of this debate. The NRA wields entirely too much political power in our country. I actually fall in line with the left side of the debate who want to do away with guns completely like they did in Australia. If it's a choice between doing nothing or banning everything I would always choose the latter. I'm sick of hearing about dead schoolchildren and cops and innocent black people mowed down on the news. We're like a diabetic who's foot has gone gangrenous telling his family he's fine and he's not giving up his ways as he chomps down another Milky Way bar and they prepare to amputate his foot. Why are some people so willing to give up their civil liberties if it means fighting terrorism (as we do when we go through the average body cavity search at any airport before we board a plane) but not if it means possibly saving children from death as sensible gun control might have at Sandy Hook? And I hear all of the cons coming at me from the Right. Like, we might need those guns in case our country becomes a dictatorship and we need to fight the government. Are they for real with this one? Have they not heard about a little thing called nuclear weapons? Or drones? If all that stands between you and subjugation is an assault rifle, you've already lost the battle my friend. You're not John Wick. Or the old comeback; you can kill people without guns so why bother? And true, as in France recently, we saw that a man driving a massive truck can do as much or even more damage than one with an assault weapon. But that's also like saying "Well I have cancer and that stuff is pretty aggressive so why even bother fighting it?" Yes, that IS an option, but it only leads to death. Or their other favorite: If everybody had guns, we'd all be a lot safer. Oh yea, this is exactly what I want, the average bigoted homophobe who shops at WalMart and ran over the curb parking his car firing a handgun in my general direction when he thinks my friend Achmed with the turban is a terrorist. This entire issue should be common sense. Yet we fight against it at every turn, no matter how many men, women, or children die. And as I said, although I would probably fall more into the Left side of the debate on this, I will admit I love guns. I love movies with guns. I've fired guns and it was fun. But if me giving up firing an assault rifle whenever I want means that thousands of people's lives will be saved in the long run, I gladly give up that right.
7) Disband the IRS and the FCC and give all of their money and power to the EPA - The IRS and the FCC waste billions of dollars fighting average Americans and telling us what we can and can't watch or hear, respectively. Meanwhile, the EPA currently is like little Davey fighting the Goliath that is the fossil fuel industry only their happy ending does not seem like it's coming anytime soon. They impose fines that essentially the big corporations snicker at as their flaming undersea oil well ravages miles and miles of ocean irreparably. They need more power and funding. Income tax will be paid at the time you receive your check. That pesky other income tax payment once a year is bullshit. Unless they owe you money.
8) Tax churches - I'm tired of hearing about religious dogma as if it is our moral responsibility. If churches and their members want to be so active in the world like the rest of us, they need to start paying the entrance fee.
9) Remove God from our money, our pledge of allegiance, and everywhere else he has been erroneously placed - Self explanatory. We are supposed to have a firm separation of Church and State. God's reign is over.
10) Start a Government Jobs program (similar to FDR's New Deal) - There are plenty of things that need to be done in our country, either now or in this future I have constructed. Perhaps we can rehabilitate the homeless by giving them some of these jobs. Or slash through unemployment by putting many of the people on it to work at these jobs.
11) Break up the banks - Too big to fail my fucking ass! We should jail all those assholes who bet America's livelihood on highly risky ventures and bust up these massive monopolies the banks have created. And if they refuse we levy a fine that actually hurts against them instead of something that they pulled out of their suit pocket along with a handful of lint.
12) Impose federally mandated prices on drug companies - No one on Earth can defend to me with hope of changing my opinion the fact that you can buy the same drug in Mexico for $5 that you pay $300 for here in America. It's bullshit. And if the drug companies refuse, America will start making and selling its own pharmaceuticals directly to pharmacies. End of debate. And also the end of a corporate stooge at Johnson and Johnson making 53 million a year for doing nothing but setting a decimal point a few places to the right.
13) Free college tuition - Everybody who wants an education will get one, with an option to pay back the money for those who can afford it or do a year of federal service if they cannot. No more late fees or interest.
14) Federally subsidized healthcare for all - No more dying broke and penniless because your medical bills going through chemo came to 5 million dollars and you died anyway. No more charging people $500 for an aspirin. We need real affordable healthcare for all. Obamacare is a start, but we're not regulating doctor's fees or drug companies or corporate machinations so people who work 40 hours a week are still getting shitty healthcare and going broke paying for it. Trust me, I'm one of them
15) Raise the federal minimum wage to a living wage - I've heard all the arguments. You shouldn't get paid $15 to flip some french fries. If you pay an adult that much to be a cashier how will teenagers get any work experience? All bullshit. The Middle Class in America has eroded in the last three decades. My standard of living, instead of going up since the time of my mother and father, has gone down incredibly low. We really no longer have a Middle Class anymore. It's the 99%, and the 1%. That may seem like an oversimplification, but I firmly believe it. Simply put, NOBODY who works hard 40 hours a week should have to live in poverty and seek welfare.
I could have kept going, but this is just a starter pack. These are things I would like to see us work toward. A lot of them fall into the dreaded "socialist" ideology of Bernie Sanders which a lot of people in America are emphatically against. But overall, I think they'd do nothing less than help us become the leader of nations that we always intended ourselves to be. And yes, a lot of this list is naive. I'd rather be naive than complacent.
Thursday, August 4, 2016
Thursday, July 28, 2016
Exist
Awaiting with hand on heart
every photo and stolen word.
Of your life I must be a part
so that your feelings might be spurred.
A smile from deadlocked pain
your presence to me does provide.
Your laughter helps me to sustain
this life that I can't normally abide.
My heart is now tangled up in you
and every little confidence that you say.
There's not much more that I can do,
over my love you unknowingly hold sway.
Until my feelings might be returned
with my pinings I shall persist.
Perhaps one day I won't be spurned
and you might then know that I exist.
Tuesday, July 26, 2016
50 Things About Me
Not sure quite why I felt the need to make 1 of these which were all the rage on Tumblr for a while since blogging can sometimes feel like talking to yourself so, in essence, this will just be repeating things to myself that I am already aware of. But I thought I could make it a fun exercise. We'll see I guess. Here are 50 things about me. I'll try to do things that haven't already been covered in previous blogs.
1) My first three boyfriends were all named Chris which either speaks to my determination or poor choices. Probably a little of both.
2) I came out to my Mom when I asked if I could bring Chris # 3 to a Christmas party that we were attending as a family along with significant others. When I said I wanted to bring him, she said "Why, what is he your boyfriend?" pretty sarcastically. I said "Yes." She was pretty disappointed and it was a long time before she came around. And oddly, I don't think Chris ever ended up going to the party.
3) I always knew I was different but the first time I realized I was probably gay and there was no going back was when I got a boner watching the video for Billy Idol's White Wedding and started jacking it. The shirtlessness, the black leather. Yea there was no going back from there.
4) My mortal fears are: sharks, vomit, bugs, and the dark. There's probably more but those are the ones that make me lose it.
5) The first concert I ever went to was when my Mom dragged me to see The Bellamy Brothers when I was around 9 or 10.
6) It's hard to pick a favorite concert I've seen so many awesome ones. But at the moment, it would probably be Elton John at Madison Square Garden two years ago. I'm a HUGE fan and he played a healthy mix of hits and deep cuts and it actually made me cry it was so good.
7) I used to have this very unhealthy habit of falling in love with my best friends which was either bad or good depending on how you looked at it. Because they were my best friends I got to see them a lot but they were always straight which meant nothing could ever come of it.
8) I've only lived in 2 states my entire life, New Jersey and Pennsylvania. But I consider my spiritual home to be Scotland. When I went there and looked at Loch Lomand, something inside of me felt at home, though that sounds silly even as I write that. But its true.
9) My longest relationship lasted 4 years.
10) My shortest relationship (not counting one night stands, obviously, only what they or I termed a "relationship") was the first. It lasted a week.
11) The first time I ever had gay sex (not counting puberty fool arounds with friends which were hot but are sort of on another level) was the day before my cousin's first wedding. It was like I'd been standing at a locked door in a tiny drab room for decades and suddenly the entire world had opened up to me. I felt more alive than I ever had before or since. When I look at pictures from that wedding, I see someone who is REALLY REALLY happy. Kinda wish I could get that feeling back.
12) I don't remember at what point exactly my passion and talent for writing became known to me but the first story I ever wrote was a total rip off of the Aesop fable called Androcles and the Lion about a lion with a thorn in his paw only in my story it was a ladybug who pulled the thorn out for him. I'm not sure to this day if I should cherish the fact that I wrote it or bemoan the fact that I plagiarized it, but thank goodness everybody praised it despite it's second hand nature.
13) My favorite color is purple. Oddly, I don't wear a lot of it. I tend to wear a lot of black only because, obviously, it is slimming.
14) The first 45 I asked for when I was around 10 or so was Exile's Kiss You All Over. Weirdly, I also remember the 45 my brother got for Christmas the same year which was also a title with "kiss" in it, Kiss on My List by Hall and Oates. That would have made the Exile song about 2 years old which is strange, but that's what I remember.
15) The first two albums I got on my own (as opposed to singles or taping songs off the radio etc etc) were for my 13th birthday: Survivor's Eye of the Tiger and Joan Jett's I Love Rock and Roll. Amusingly, I can't remember a damn thing from either album except for the singles which puts a dent in my album culture cred.
16) The first loss I felt on a personal level (besides my Grandmother to cancer when I was 12) was my friend Billy who was slightly younger than me at the time at 22. Fell asleep at the wheel and drove head on into a truck. We hadn't seen each other for several years and though his death didn't make me grieve inconsolably or anything it really shook me on a spiritual level. He was around my age and had barely begun to live. Not married. No kids yet. And I regretted not seeing him more often when I heard the news and started thinking of all the things I wished I would have said to him.
17) My favorite cities, not in any particular order, are: New York City, London, Paris, San Francisco, Venice, and Edinburgh. Amazing places all and I would suggest them to anyone and everyone.
18) I don't have a "first memory". Not really. Whenever that question comes up I strain to try and remember but nothing is really there. Everything hinges on my brother. I remember pushing him on his little wind up swing when he was a newborn which would have made me 4. But I'm also not sure if that is my memory or my mind filling in the gaps from looking at old pictures. Memory is so fucking strange.
19) If I was given free reign to kill somebody without consequence for one night and could only pick 1 person, I would definitely do it. And it would be the cunt that I worked for at one point named Stephanie. From the first moment I met her she hated me and her entire goal, as per my district manager who also wanted to get rid of me, was to get me fired. I quit before I either killed myself or wrung her neck until her face turned blue and her eyes rolled up into her head. But the deep pain she caused me never went away. And any mercy or compassion I have for mankind falls away when I think about her. She's fucking lucky beyond imagining that The Purge is a fictional concept.
20) The second major piece of writing I did was a total rip off of Jaws, my favorite movie. I titled it "Mako". Do you sense a pattern here about my writing? Christ I hope that has changed since back then. The story followed pretty much the same pattern. Shark terrorizes a beach community, salty fisherman fights back. Only I added some military help, made the shark a mako obviously, and changed the style of death for the monster: he was fed poison chum. I distinctly remember "researching" this which amounted to asking the adults around me if this would work. My Dad assured me that it would. I still wonder to this day.
21) Whenever people ask me what my lucky number is I say seven. I'm not exactly sure why I have decided it is seven. It's not like I've ever won the lottery using a number seven. But that is what I say.
22) The first car I ever had was one of my favorites: a black and gold Pontiac Firebird with the exhaust scoop and t-tops. No lying that was the coolest fucking car I'll probably ever own in this lifetime.
23) My favorite meal is pork roast, mashed potatoes with gravy, corn on the cob, sausage with stuffing, and biscuits. Sounds awesome, right?
24) A sound that I absolutely hate is a nail file. Makes me cringe every time.
25) When I was around 11 or 12 I made my Mom buy me a speedo when it was time to get me a bathing suit. I was obviously sexualizing it and myself in my head and thinking about how much I loved looking at other boys and men in speedos though I didn't understand any of that in my own head at the time. And I remember her looking at me grimly and saying "Are you sure you want that?" in a manner that was attempting to get me NOT to want that as 1) I didn't have the body for it even then though it was at least more palatable than it would be now and 2) I am sure she was in no way comfortable with what me wanting a speedo might mean. But alas, she bought it, I wore it, and nobody died. I never bought one again though because I only got pudgier as time went on.
26) I have a fetish for Vans that stems from the fact that most of the boys I was hot for in middle and high school wore them. Sadly, it took me decades until I finally got around to buying a pair and by then I was probably too old for them but I still wear them proudly and I'm still into them big time. I own 3 pairs right now.
27) I cannot remember cars at all. Even ones that I've been a passenger in countless times. I miiiiiiight be able to pick it out from a crowd based on color and what was left on the seat but not likely by the car itself. I'm just more into classic cars of the 50's through the 70's. They were much more stylish with lines and fins and tails. As with our modern housing and architecture, most of it is streamlined and airbrushed and removed from any kind of distinctness. To me anyway.
28) Not that I would eat it anyway since it's pretty awful, but I threw up Total cereal once when I had a virus at 12 and I've never even touched the box since then.
29) I have loads of favorite cereals, most of them the ones that are horribly bad for you, but only 2 (besides the aforementioned Total) which are my most hated: Cheerios and Kix. Seriously, a bowl of Cheerios is like a kick in the nuts to me. I can't imagine a sadder breakfast.
30) I was a Boy Scout once and actually made it all the way to Weeblo though I don't remember a damn thing from my time with them except getting the badges, a few of which I still have in a box somewhere.
31) The first song I ever discovered all on my own (meaning without parental influence) was Crocodile Rock when I was seven. I walked a mile and a half to my friend Myron Medalla's house to hang out for the day. His father had the Elton John's Greatest Hits album and he put it on to play me the song and we must have played that damn thing at least 50 times. By the time I left I knew the lyrics by heart and sang every word on my walk home.
32) My go-to karaoke song is Bridge Over Troubled Water.
33) I have a lot of weird sexual regrets based on personal experience but one in particular involves my friend Kevin when I was 14 and he was 12 or so. We were in a little cubbyhole beneath the stairs in his Dad's house jacking off (Don't ask) and he turned to me and said "I wonder what it tastes like? What would you do if it shot out of my dick and right into your mouth?" which seems like its SCREAMING for a "This!" response followed by me bowing my head and getting to work on his erection. I had such a crush on him and his brother. I often wonder what would have happened if I had done something like that. But instead, I think I said something like "Do it right back to you!" which kiiiinda pales in comparison you gotta admit.
34) The song Lady by Kenny Rogers is forever tainted for me because it was my Mom and Step-Dad's wedding song. I don't begrudge their happiness (they just celebrated 35 years married) but besides hating the song anyway and me having so many problems with my Step-Dad growing up I can't help but cringe when it comes on the radio.
35) I drink Coke. Never Pepsi. And I can tell the two apart by taste. Don't even get me started on diet soda. That's as bad as Cheerios.
36) I know this is completely unfair to myself, but I regret not being with my Nana when she passed away. I was the last family member to see her. We had a nice visit in the home where she was staying, then she had a slight breathing attack caused by her Parkinson's. Aides were treating her and she had calmed down and seemed fine when I bent low to kiss her and say goodbye for the day, but she was obviously scared. "Can't you stay longer?" she asked. "I have to go to work." I told her, holding her hand a bit before I told her "Just relax and try to stay calm you'll be ok." 2 days later she was dead.
37) Weddings make me uncomfortable. I cherish true love so much if I go as a single it's always embarrassing and makes me weepy because of what I don't have and the few times I've gone as a couple always seem to be tainted by one thing or another (seating my boyfriend away from me at a different table for instance).
38) My favorite part of my body is my eyes. They supply me with an endless supply of compliments which is nice since I don't get that often.
39) Of the boyfriends I've had there is only 1 I continue to have feelings for despite the fact that I haven't seen him in a decade at least. Chris # 2. There's unfinished business there. At the very least an "I love you and you meant so much to me." since I don't think I ever said that once the relationship ended (even though we did hang out and hook up several times after that).
40) If I played an instrument it would be piano. Both piano and guitar impress me with the artistry they can deliver, but I think the piano just hits a little deeper for me. Sadly, you very rarely see a pianist serenading people around a campfire so that's at least one strike against it but still...
41) I hate eggs and mushrooms. I dislike lots of foods, really, but those are 2 of the worst. I can't eat something at all if mushrooms are in it because the taste is already there as far as I'm concerned. Eggs I can pick out. And obviously I love cake and other things with eggs as an ingredient. But if my breakfast sandwich has egg on it by mistake I flip out.
42) Fleetwood Mac is my favorite band.
43) My favorite fan encounters were with John Barrowman (described in detail in another blog post) and Debbie Gibson, who was simply one of the nicest entertainers I'd ever met. My boyfriend and I met her backstage after Gypsy and she chatted with us while waiting for her own boyfriend to pick her up. A class act.
44) One of my defining experiences was my Mom having a knock down drag out fight with my Dad and afterward taking us to Nana's house to stay until things cooled off. Mom went out to pick up some groceries while my brother and I played Michigan Rummy with Nana and my Aunt Rose. After about an hour, we heard a loud bang, followed shortly after by my Mom being violently pushed through the front door while my drunk and enraged father followed her shouting. Turns out once she got back from the store my Dad was waiting in the street for her, and proceeded to pull out a shotgun he had brought with him and smash in her windshield with it. Only my Nana, racing to the front door and shouting this drunk/armed/violent/ridiculously much taller than her man down by telling him to "Get out of here before I call the police!" made him turn and leave. Now you know 1 of the reasons my Nana was such a kickass person.
45) One of my other defining life experiences was after another violent fight between my Mom and my Dad when we went to stay with my Dad's Mom for a change and I got my Uncle Glen's old room all to myself. He was already engaged and living with his fiance but his room had been left pretty much intact, complete with a record player and LOADS of awesome records (the blue and red Beatles Greatest Hits sets for one which set off my love of the Fab Four) but also a plethora of horror novels and magazines. Creepy, Eerie, Edgar Allan Poe. I devoured it all and never looked back.
46) One of my favorite fashion statements from the 80's was parachute pants. They were sort of like Cargo pants for those of you who don't know but much softer and with zippers instead of velcro. I had loads of them, and still have a pair that I will never ever again fit into tucked away in a box somewhere.
47) One of my biggest regrets in life is myself and my friend Eddie confronting my friend Nick in freshman year of high school and telling him that he should try to act less feminine because people were talking about him. That hurts my soul to think about. And I hope he's doing well somewhere.
48) Ketchup on a hot dog, not mustard. Always.
49) My first time playing Dungeons and Dragons is forever memorable because of my friend Ray who I never see anymore and miss immensely. But he had a wry sense of humor and he was the Dungeon Master for this game (every game really cuz fuck if I can figure out how to follow all those charts and die). Our little band of adventurers were trying to quietly enter a castle via a secret entrance at night and were cornered by a lone guard very near a tent full of his sleeping compatriots. It being my turn, Ray asked what I wanted to do. Being an archer, I said I would fire an arrow into his chest. Ray said "Are you sure you wanna do that? You might not kill him." I replied "I'm very good I'll get the job done." Ray proceeded to roll like four dice and calculate things from the little rule book he was holding while we all sat silently watching him in anticipation. It seemed like it took an hour. Then, finally, he looked up and said "Your arrow hits him in the leg and he goes AAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH and wakes up the entire camp." It was almost like a punchline and though I can't remember for sure but I think we all died seconds later.
50) I actually had fun doing this. If anyone cares, I might do it again. Thanks for reading :)
1) My first three boyfriends were all named Chris which either speaks to my determination or poor choices. Probably a little of both.
2) I came out to my Mom when I asked if I could bring Chris # 3 to a Christmas party that we were attending as a family along with significant others. When I said I wanted to bring him, she said "Why, what is he your boyfriend?" pretty sarcastically. I said "Yes." She was pretty disappointed and it was a long time before she came around. And oddly, I don't think Chris ever ended up going to the party.
3) I always knew I was different but the first time I realized I was probably gay and there was no going back was when I got a boner watching the video for Billy Idol's White Wedding and started jacking it. The shirtlessness, the black leather. Yea there was no going back from there.
4) My mortal fears are: sharks, vomit, bugs, and the dark. There's probably more but those are the ones that make me lose it.
5) The first concert I ever went to was when my Mom dragged me to see The Bellamy Brothers when I was around 9 or 10.
6) It's hard to pick a favorite concert I've seen so many awesome ones. But at the moment, it would probably be Elton John at Madison Square Garden two years ago. I'm a HUGE fan and he played a healthy mix of hits and deep cuts and it actually made me cry it was so good.
7) I used to have this very unhealthy habit of falling in love with my best friends which was either bad or good depending on how you looked at it. Because they were my best friends I got to see them a lot but they were always straight which meant nothing could ever come of it.
8) I've only lived in 2 states my entire life, New Jersey and Pennsylvania. But I consider my spiritual home to be Scotland. When I went there and looked at Loch Lomand, something inside of me felt at home, though that sounds silly even as I write that. But its true.
9) My longest relationship lasted 4 years.
10) My shortest relationship (not counting one night stands, obviously, only what they or I termed a "relationship") was the first. It lasted a week.
11) The first time I ever had gay sex (not counting puberty fool arounds with friends which were hot but are sort of on another level) was the day before my cousin's first wedding. It was like I'd been standing at a locked door in a tiny drab room for decades and suddenly the entire world had opened up to me. I felt more alive than I ever had before or since. When I look at pictures from that wedding, I see someone who is REALLY REALLY happy. Kinda wish I could get that feeling back.
12) I don't remember at what point exactly my passion and talent for writing became known to me but the first story I ever wrote was a total rip off of the Aesop fable called Androcles and the Lion about a lion with a thorn in his paw only in my story it was a ladybug who pulled the thorn out for him. I'm not sure to this day if I should cherish the fact that I wrote it or bemoan the fact that I plagiarized it, but thank goodness everybody praised it despite it's second hand nature.
13) My favorite color is purple. Oddly, I don't wear a lot of it. I tend to wear a lot of black only because, obviously, it is slimming.
14) The first 45 I asked for when I was around 10 or so was Exile's Kiss You All Over. Weirdly, I also remember the 45 my brother got for Christmas the same year which was also a title with "kiss" in it, Kiss on My List by Hall and Oates. That would have made the Exile song about 2 years old which is strange, but that's what I remember.
15) The first two albums I got on my own (as opposed to singles or taping songs off the radio etc etc) were for my 13th birthday: Survivor's Eye of the Tiger and Joan Jett's I Love Rock and Roll. Amusingly, I can't remember a damn thing from either album except for the singles which puts a dent in my album culture cred.
16) The first loss I felt on a personal level (besides my Grandmother to cancer when I was 12) was my friend Billy who was slightly younger than me at the time at 22. Fell asleep at the wheel and drove head on into a truck. We hadn't seen each other for several years and though his death didn't make me grieve inconsolably or anything it really shook me on a spiritual level. He was around my age and had barely begun to live. Not married. No kids yet. And I regretted not seeing him more often when I heard the news and started thinking of all the things I wished I would have said to him.
17) My favorite cities, not in any particular order, are: New York City, London, Paris, San Francisco, Venice, and Edinburgh. Amazing places all and I would suggest them to anyone and everyone.
18) I don't have a "first memory". Not really. Whenever that question comes up I strain to try and remember but nothing is really there. Everything hinges on my brother. I remember pushing him on his little wind up swing when he was a newborn which would have made me 4. But I'm also not sure if that is my memory or my mind filling in the gaps from looking at old pictures. Memory is so fucking strange.
19) If I was given free reign to kill somebody without consequence for one night and could only pick 1 person, I would definitely do it. And it would be the cunt that I worked for at one point named Stephanie. From the first moment I met her she hated me and her entire goal, as per my district manager who also wanted to get rid of me, was to get me fired. I quit before I either killed myself or wrung her neck until her face turned blue and her eyes rolled up into her head. But the deep pain she caused me never went away. And any mercy or compassion I have for mankind falls away when I think about her. She's fucking lucky beyond imagining that The Purge is a fictional concept.
20) The second major piece of writing I did was a total rip off of Jaws, my favorite movie. I titled it "Mako". Do you sense a pattern here about my writing? Christ I hope that has changed since back then. The story followed pretty much the same pattern. Shark terrorizes a beach community, salty fisherman fights back. Only I added some military help, made the shark a mako obviously, and changed the style of death for the monster: he was fed poison chum. I distinctly remember "researching" this which amounted to asking the adults around me if this would work. My Dad assured me that it would. I still wonder to this day.
21) Whenever people ask me what my lucky number is I say seven. I'm not exactly sure why I have decided it is seven. It's not like I've ever won the lottery using a number seven. But that is what I say.
22) The first car I ever had was one of my favorites: a black and gold Pontiac Firebird with the exhaust scoop and t-tops. No lying that was the coolest fucking car I'll probably ever own in this lifetime.
23) My favorite meal is pork roast, mashed potatoes with gravy, corn on the cob, sausage with stuffing, and biscuits. Sounds awesome, right?
24) A sound that I absolutely hate is a nail file. Makes me cringe every time.
25) When I was around 11 or 12 I made my Mom buy me a speedo when it was time to get me a bathing suit. I was obviously sexualizing it and myself in my head and thinking about how much I loved looking at other boys and men in speedos though I didn't understand any of that in my own head at the time. And I remember her looking at me grimly and saying "Are you sure you want that?" in a manner that was attempting to get me NOT to want that as 1) I didn't have the body for it even then though it was at least more palatable than it would be now and 2) I am sure she was in no way comfortable with what me wanting a speedo might mean. But alas, she bought it, I wore it, and nobody died. I never bought one again though because I only got pudgier as time went on.
26) I have a fetish for Vans that stems from the fact that most of the boys I was hot for in middle and high school wore them. Sadly, it took me decades until I finally got around to buying a pair and by then I was probably too old for them but I still wear them proudly and I'm still into them big time. I own 3 pairs right now.
27) I cannot remember cars at all. Even ones that I've been a passenger in countless times. I miiiiiiight be able to pick it out from a crowd based on color and what was left on the seat but not likely by the car itself. I'm just more into classic cars of the 50's through the 70's. They were much more stylish with lines and fins and tails. As with our modern housing and architecture, most of it is streamlined and airbrushed and removed from any kind of distinctness. To me anyway.
28) Not that I would eat it anyway since it's pretty awful, but I threw up Total cereal once when I had a virus at 12 and I've never even touched the box since then.
29) I have loads of favorite cereals, most of them the ones that are horribly bad for you, but only 2 (besides the aforementioned Total) which are my most hated: Cheerios and Kix. Seriously, a bowl of Cheerios is like a kick in the nuts to me. I can't imagine a sadder breakfast.
30) I was a Boy Scout once and actually made it all the way to Weeblo though I don't remember a damn thing from my time with them except getting the badges, a few of which I still have in a box somewhere.
31) The first song I ever discovered all on my own (meaning without parental influence) was Crocodile Rock when I was seven. I walked a mile and a half to my friend Myron Medalla's house to hang out for the day. His father had the Elton John's Greatest Hits album and he put it on to play me the song and we must have played that damn thing at least 50 times. By the time I left I knew the lyrics by heart and sang every word on my walk home.
32) My go-to karaoke song is Bridge Over Troubled Water.
33) I have a lot of weird sexual regrets based on personal experience but one in particular involves my friend Kevin when I was 14 and he was 12 or so. We were in a little cubbyhole beneath the stairs in his Dad's house jacking off (Don't ask) and he turned to me and said "I wonder what it tastes like? What would you do if it shot out of my dick and right into your mouth?" which seems like its SCREAMING for a "This!" response followed by me bowing my head and getting to work on his erection. I had such a crush on him and his brother. I often wonder what would have happened if I had done something like that. But instead, I think I said something like "Do it right back to you!" which kiiiinda pales in comparison you gotta admit.
34) The song Lady by Kenny Rogers is forever tainted for me because it was my Mom and Step-Dad's wedding song. I don't begrudge their happiness (they just celebrated 35 years married) but besides hating the song anyway and me having so many problems with my Step-Dad growing up I can't help but cringe when it comes on the radio.
35) I drink Coke. Never Pepsi. And I can tell the two apart by taste. Don't even get me started on diet soda. That's as bad as Cheerios.
36) I know this is completely unfair to myself, but I regret not being with my Nana when she passed away. I was the last family member to see her. We had a nice visit in the home where she was staying, then she had a slight breathing attack caused by her Parkinson's. Aides were treating her and she had calmed down and seemed fine when I bent low to kiss her and say goodbye for the day, but she was obviously scared. "Can't you stay longer?" she asked. "I have to go to work." I told her, holding her hand a bit before I told her "Just relax and try to stay calm you'll be ok." 2 days later she was dead.
37) Weddings make me uncomfortable. I cherish true love so much if I go as a single it's always embarrassing and makes me weepy because of what I don't have and the few times I've gone as a couple always seem to be tainted by one thing or another (seating my boyfriend away from me at a different table for instance).
38) My favorite part of my body is my eyes. They supply me with an endless supply of compliments which is nice since I don't get that often.
39) Of the boyfriends I've had there is only 1 I continue to have feelings for despite the fact that I haven't seen him in a decade at least. Chris # 2. There's unfinished business there. At the very least an "I love you and you meant so much to me." since I don't think I ever said that once the relationship ended (even though we did hang out and hook up several times after that).
40) If I played an instrument it would be piano. Both piano and guitar impress me with the artistry they can deliver, but I think the piano just hits a little deeper for me. Sadly, you very rarely see a pianist serenading people around a campfire so that's at least one strike against it but still...
41) I hate eggs and mushrooms. I dislike lots of foods, really, but those are 2 of the worst. I can't eat something at all if mushrooms are in it because the taste is already there as far as I'm concerned. Eggs I can pick out. And obviously I love cake and other things with eggs as an ingredient. But if my breakfast sandwich has egg on it by mistake I flip out.
42) Fleetwood Mac is my favorite band.
43) My favorite fan encounters were with John Barrowman (described in detail in another blog post) and Debbie Gibson, who was simply one of the nicest entertainers I'd ever met. My boyfriend and I met her backstage after Gypsy and she chatted with us while waiting for her own boyfriend to pick her up. A class act.
44) One of my defining experiences was my Mom having a knock down drag out fight with my Dad and afterward taking us to Nana's house to stay until things cooled off. Mom went out to pick up some groceries while my brother and I played Michigan Rummy with Nana and my Aunt Rose. After about an hour, we heard a loud bang, followed shortly after by my Mom being violently pushed through the front door while my drunk and enraged father followed her shouting. Turns out once she got back from the store my Dad was waiting in the street for her, and proceeded to pull out a shotgun he had brought with him and smash in her windshield with it. Only my Nana, racing to the front door and shouting this drunk/armed/violent/ridiculously much taller than her man down by telling him to "Get out of here before I call the police!" made him turn and leave. Now you know 1 of the reasons my Nana was such a kickass person.
45) One of my other defining life experiences was after another violent fight between my Mom and my Dad when we went to stay with my Dad's Mom for a change and I got my Uncle Glen's old room all to myself. He was already engaged and living with his fiance but his room had been left pretty much intact, complete with a record player and LOADS of awesome records (the blue and red Beatles Greatest Hits sets for one which set off my love of the Fab Four) but also a plethora of horror novels and magazines. Creepy, Eerie, Edgar Allan Poe. I devoured it all and never looked back.
46) One of my favorite fashion statements from the 80's was parachute pants. They were sort of like Cargo pants for those of you who don't know but much softer and with zippers instead of velcro. I had loads of them, and still have a pair that I will never ever again fit into tucked away in a box somewhere.
47) One of my biggest regrets in life is myself and my friend Eddie confronting my friend Nick in freshman year of high school and telling him that he should try to act less feminine because people were talking about him. That hurts my soul to think about. And I hope he's doing well somewhere.
48) Ketchup on a hot dog, not mustard. Always.
49) My first time playing Dungeons and Dragons is forever memorable because of my friend Ray who I never see anymore and miss immensely. But he had a wry sense of humor and he was the Dungeon Master for this game (every game really cuz fuck if I can figure out how to follow all those charts and die). Our little band of adventurers were trying to quietly enter a castle via a secret entrance at night and were cornered by a lone guard very near a tent full of his sleeping compatriots. It being my turn, Ray asked what I wanted to do. Being an archer, I said I would fire an arrow into his chest. Ray said "Are you sure you wanna do that? You might not kill him." I replied "I'm very good I'll get the job done." Ray proceeded to roll like four dice and calculate things from the little rule book he was holding while we all sat silently watching him in anticipation. It seemed like it took an hour. Then, finally, he looked up and said "Your arrow hits him in the leg and he goes AAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH and wakes up the entire camp." It was almost like a punchline and though I can't remember for sure but I think we all died seconds later.
50) I actually had fun doing this. If anyone cares, I might do it again. Thanks for reading :)
Saturday, July 16, 2016
The Saga of Will and Sonny Part 1
Somebody posted a tribute to Will and Sonny from Days of Our Lives the other day, which, if you are unaware, was a gay power couple. Somebody clued me in to these recap videos several years ago and I became absolutely hooked. Sometimes my gripe with daytime soaps is that they can feel like they're moving at a snail's pace. But in this case, it somehow served to make the love story deeper. We see every little steps of their relationship and grow to care for them. At least I did. I decided to begin posting the clips here, if only so I have an excuse to watch them from the beginning again. Note: I cannot take credit for the ridiculously hard work of editing these and uploading the original videos. That was a YouTuber whose name I no longer recall who got nuked for his trouble. Seriously, you can't fucking purchase dvd's of Days of Our Lives so what the fuck is the difference if people watch clips on YouTube? But I digress. Watch and enjoy. Sometimes characters who are related to Will and Sonny will be included and other times when maybe we would want to see what the hell Will and Sonny are so upset about that day, their family will be edited out. But no matter, its still a lovely story.
Friday, July 15, 2016
Picard Sings the Hits
Sometimes being Captain of the Enterprise means you see all kinds of horrors ;)
Magic Mike Does Magic Again!
Yep, in case you were wondering people, Alex Pettyfer hasn't gotten rusty at all with his seductive dance skills ;)
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