When It Ends

It's quarter to, and three drinks in
your side of the bed's still missing you.
Through gritte teeth I paced the floor,
Nothing much more I can do.

Same old story, searchin for clues
that your body left to join your heart.
Tired of answers shrugged off with anger
and being told I'm not doing my part.


It's hours since you're gone
there's nothing left to rest my hopes on
I'm here baby, saving your place
and counting the minutes just in case
but when the emptiness inside me
snuffs out the everything inside you
then we'll know not to pretend'
that the last few months have been when it ends.


I can't keep guessing the things in your head
when I'm not even sure what's in mine.
I only know I once loved you madly
and swore to keep you forever by design.

So here I sit caressing your favorite shirt
longing to feel your warmth inside
and thinking of all the wrongs we've done
and how our emotions can possibly abide.


I'm left wondering how I'll get by
when all I wanna do is lay down and die.
I'm still here, baby, hoping you'll come back
so we can kiss and make up and get back on track.
Please don't let forever end
with viciousness and poisoned regrets.
Please don't let finality descend
and make this be the moment when it ends.

Tom and the GB Diving Team Know What We Want

This is 1 clip I am quite happy to watch in an endless loop. Tom and the GB Diving Team letting off a little steam in the hot tub ;P

Even Eminem Cleaned Out His Closet

I find it difficult to talk about this issue without thinking in my head "But its 2014!". But that is dismissive, and disillusioned. We constantly hear from the media & the gay community at large how wonderful the new century is with all of the advancements we've made as far as equal rights and acceptance goes. And we have made fantastic strides in both of those areas.When I was a little kid even Boy George, one of the gayest people on the planet, couldn't admit that he was gay to the public. Now, we have so many out celebrities that a Queer version of Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon can't be far away. As recent as last month, another taboo was squashed when Michael Sam, a gay footballer at the beginning of his career instead of at the end, came out. And yet, despite all of these positive things, three times in the last month online friends or dating prospects have told me almost the the same thing though it might have been worded just a tad differently each time but the meaning was the same: "Please don't write anything gay in my timeline. I don't want anyone to know." Now, regardless of the fact that I think most if not all of these people are kidding themselves by thinking that their families and friends have not caught on (one guy constantly professes his love for Madonna on Facebook and posts all of these strike a pose selfies its ludicrous), I have to say the very notion that in this day and age someone still feels so embarrassed about being gay that they stay closeted and lock away their true selves truly disturbs and saddens me. Some of them go even further than that. They have Tumblr accounts where they post endless homosexual porn pics and say all kinds of filthy things about what they want to do with other men yet when pressed with a serious question by me about it they say they're just fooling around before they get married and have a family. And in my head I'm screaming "You asshole haven't you seen Far From Heaven? Did we just revert back to the 1950's? Do you want to totally destroy some poor woman's life?" And I'm not discounting the fact that some of these men might be bisexual. And I have nothing against bisexuals at all. On the contrary, bisexuals sometimes allow me to feel like I'm fulfilling that whole "Seducing the Alpha Male Str8 Guy" thing. And if there are bisexual men in that situation the only thing that would bother me about it is if they're not being honest about who and what they are. In some ways that might be worse than the gay dude who is in denial that he can curb his desires after having a family. But I was really moved to write this entry by dudes who I know for a fact are gay because they have told me so. And yet most of them still intend to never tell their families. They still intend to fuck around in the closet and then shut that part of themselves off completely when they find a woman willing to marry them. I can't imagine a more depressing future. And yet I hear them responding thusly: "It won't be depressing. I will have a wife who loves me. And children." And I concede that. Having a family seems amazing. But at what cost? If your family is based on a lie then how strong can it really be? And the depressing part comes when you realize ten years down the line that you are unfulfilled and your heart is broken because though you do love this woman you have chosen to marry she is not really the one you want to be sharing your heart with for the rest of your life. Or worse, you get caught one night while your wife is visiting her sister with the kids jacking off some guy you met on Craigslist in the WalMart parking lot. And why? Because you cannot reconcile your religion with who you are. Or your society still stones gay people to death. Or you simply haven't found the courage you need to be yourself and the person you were destined to be. Well this goes out to all of the people who are in situations like I've listed. Come on over to the Dark Side. Christ even Eminem cleaned out his closet in that song. I can't promise it will be all happiness and roses over here, but I can promise you beyond a shadow of a doubt that the truth is always better than a lie. I know the prevailing wisdom is that everyone comes out in their own time. But this is me saying you have the strength. You can do it. Even you, Tom Cruise. Nobody should have to lock their true self away because of the demands of somebody else. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you all. Love Quillboy :)

No comment from me required ;)

Laughed myself to tears over this. The unforgettable cast of the Carol Burnett show cracking each other up ;)