On Getting Older

Well here we are once again. At one of those days that serves to mutually remind me of the day I was born and that the day I will die looms ever closer. I'm being sarcastic, of course. Even if I follow below average life expectancy I'll still probably live another thirty years. The weird thing about that figure and about today in general is that I never thought I would even get this far. With all of my mental issues I thought for sure I would have taken myself out long ago (I'm choosing to be blunt, hopefully if anyone does read this they are already aware of my ongoing issues). It's a minor miracle, in fact, that I am still alive to wake up, smile halfway at the sunrise over the Barnegat Inlet, and write this half serious blog about lasting another year. I still wish I appreciated the miracle more at times. There is a part of me that really does get supreme joy out of life. But he's not in charge very much.

     

     Most people worry over physical things when it comes to getting older. For better or worse, I've never been a stunning beauty of a man or someone who has a lot to lose in that department so my worries there are limited. Everybody hates wrinkles and stretch marks and bulging veins. My main thing is my hair. I love hair. It's one of the first things I notice in a man. And I've always taken care of mine. Still do. I don't spend hours getting it ready, but it will hopefully always look a certain level of awesome. If I were to start losing it, that would hit me hard. Thankfully, except for one spot at the back of my head, all is well there.

     So what you're left with if you don't worry too much over the physical aspects of aging (and provided you don't have a multitude of medical or mental issues) is this notion of "I'm getting too old for that now." I don't worry about this either. I've always had a Peter Pan complex, if I'm being honest with myself. So worrying over "oh man I'm too old to be seen sitting on a roller coaster" will just never occur to me. Yes, I will probably be that queer senior citizen at the One Direction Reunion Concert (Welcome back, Zayn!) thirty years from now. But I'm kinda proud of that instead of embarrassed by it. Life is too short and too magnificent sometimes to worry about petty bullshit and other people's mores. Perhaps that is why I'm still here writing about this. Sometimes the joy really does eclipse all that negative bullshit inside of me just waiting to simmer to the surface. And taking it day by day helps. Today is young yet, but there are already several loving birthday messages from friends to make me smile. On to the next day...