Going into this movie, I really thought I was going to hate it. But you have to be emotionally invested in something to actually muster up the energy to hate it. The last time I was emotionally invested in this franchise was in 1992. A long, long time ago cinemtatically. So I was pretty much starting off from a blank slate. The movie, unfortunately, is not. It jumps through hoops to fit into the established events of the Terminator movies which wouldn't be a problem if the script knew how to make them interesting. It doesn't. James Cameron knew how to make characters in a scifi/action epic relatable and memorable. The screenwriters here do not. Its not like they don't try, mind you. There are several moments afforded to Kyle Reece and Sarah Connor who, as we know from the first two films, must fall in love and sire a son so that he can grow up to be the leader of the resistance. They're just ham-handed and might as well be used as snippets in a music video for all the dramatic tension that they build. Actually, I've seen some music videos that got me to care more for the characters in them than this movie did. Jai Courtney is a perfect example of what is wrong with this movie. I've never liked Jai Courtney as an actor. He has all the charisma of a department store mannequin to me. Mind you, he's a spectacular slab of man hunk. But the movie isn't even smart enough to put that to good use. Twice for plot mechanics Jai Courtney has to get naked. Lemme just state for the record here and now, more shots of Jai Courtney's stupendous ass would have helped me not think so hard about the rest of what was going on. But no. We get one brief glimpse when he first falls to the ground and that's it.
I thought, initially, that the plot and how it trashed all over the first two films, would be my main sticking point. I've heard lots of reviews state that it's needlessly complicated. Fair dues, I guess. But watching four fucking seasons of Stephen Moffatt-run Doctor Who has toughened me to complicated timey-wimey nonsense. I don't mind complicated. But if the film surrounding all of this complicated time travel bullshit isn't that good it kinda makes you want to stop putting effort in to figuring it out. Even the movie itself, in the guise of Kyle Reece, states "This time travel stuff hurts my head." Simply stated, this film is an alternate timeline story. I suppose the whole Terminator-verse now exists in that alternate timeline since events have now changed. That's fine. I rolled with it as I rolled with a lot of things. But the movie keeps putting obstacles in your way. And not plot mechanics, just stupid bullshit that takes me out of the story while I ponder it. Here is a laundry list of things that I can remember:
- The film takes great pains to make some things look exactly as they did in the first movie (the hobo, the garbage truck driver, the department store) and yet the three punks who Arnie's original Terminator murders for their clothes are dressed and have hairstyles completely different.
- So much is left to our imaginations, most importantly how this alternate timeline skews from the one we know. I don't mean the actual event, that much we know (instigated by none other than Matt ne Matthew Smith sounding very important but sadly in the movie very, very little). But the first fifteen minutes of the film shows us the events that kicked off the first movie and we know exactly how they turned out, so how can Matt Smith's involvement take place? Did he come from the future? The past? Who sent Arnie's "new" Terminator to rescue Sarah Connor in 1973, an event we don't see mind you but are told in plodding exposition? Who sent the T-1000? In previous events, he was sent to 1992 and looked like Robert Patrick, now he's Asian and running around 1984. Why does Arnie's model keep being re-used, yet every other Terminator who's been sent looks completely different? Is he like the Terminator version of vinyl, and some people simply aren't willing to give him up? Why does the time travel device kill the new Terminator but, inexplicably, give Arnie an upgrade to T-1000 level?
- Matt Smith's entire character, if you can even call it that, is laughable. He's given a few cheesy 1970's style evil villian lines and does absolutely nothing.
- J.K. Simmons is completely wasted as well. I thought for sure he was going to be the psychiatrist from the first two movies. That would have been a brilliant callback (as would Bill Paxton de-aged via computer to play 1 of Arnie's punk victims again). What's worse is they actually DO have good motivations for him to be involved as he is personally saved by Sarah in 1984. But as with most of the movie, this is not put to any good effect. Any love I have for his character stems from the simple build up I just told you and the fact that he's J.K. Simmons which is not enough.
- IF, and that's a big if, IF the action movie surrounding all of this scifi/time travel mumbo jumbo was any good we'd probably forgive it. It's not. Alan Taylor is not a good action director. I loved Thor: The Dark World, but the mystical/supernatural elements there suited the action better. Here, there's lots of explosions and lights and noise, but very little of substance. And that's down to directing and editing. It's not like James Cameron split the atom in the second movie. He just knew how to make a tractor trailer chasing a motorcycle seem really exciting. It helped that the truck and the cycle were real, which leads me to...
- The CGI. Oh my fucking God. Look, everybody who's ever talked to me for more than five minutes knows that I have a love/hate relationship with CGI. I'll take practical effects and miniatures over CGI any day. But CGI CAN be well done. It's simply not here. That scene of the bus flipping over on the Golden Gate Bridge that we've all seen from the commercials is just as bad as you think it's going to be. But it's not alone. Most of the CGI in this is woeful. Especially the Terminator effects. I love that they stuck with the established T-1000 effects. They're retro now but still look good because it's what we're used to. The new Terminator's glitchy pixel thing pissed me off to no end. Simply put, in a film that probably cost upwards of $150 million to make, I should not be having a critique like this.
- The script actually does make attempts to say something unique, but then completely abandons them in favor of an explosion. The whole concept of Genisys, for instance, is a nice comment on technology in our lives as they are now which couldn't even have been imagined by Cameron when he wrote the script in the 80's and cell phones were still the size of a cinderblock. But it's just there. It's not really explored to any degree.
- There are lapses in logic that become difficult to ignore eventually. Despite street leveling explosions, there is only ever a police presence when plot mechanics requires it. 1 minute the new Terminator is on a roof, the next he's in a helicopter in high speed pursuit of our heroes. I could go on but you get the point.
So what are we left with? Arnie back as the Terminator is great. They work in some great lines for him acknowledging that he's gotten older ("Old, not obsolete.") and he also gets 1 or 2 one-liners that ALMOST reach the heights of the first two movies ("John Connor talks too much."). And I didn't hate it. But really, shouldn't I want for more out of a movie?
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