When Fat People (and their supporters) Respond

As with most every person who follows viral trends or watches YouTube, I became aware a few days ago of this "Dear Fat People" video made by a YouTuber named Nicole Arbour. I don't follow her and the only time I've seen her videos is when someone I do follow, Mr. Repzion, does replies to her usually offensive or bigoted diatribes. The few times I have seen her, she comes across as a vapid and terribly unfunny girl trying VERY VERY hard to be edgy. I hate when you can see the hamster wheel turning in somebody's head. If natural talent is not there and you can see someone trying with all of their might to be funny, it shuts me right down. Nevertheless, as everyone was talking about it, I decided to watch the Dear Fat People video. I debated whether or not I should post it in this blog because, as with a historian studying Mein Kampf who must read the book, it helps to know what I'm talking about and placing judgement upon. But I decided against it. She has gotten more than enough publicity already. Should anyone who reads this want to watch the actual video, you can find it very easily by searching the title on YouTube. I just watched it again so I might brush up on the points she made, viewer counts for her be damned. Let me just point out some of the criticisms in her defense that I've seen already.

1) "But she's funny." This one is easy, because she is not AT ALL funny. She's funny in the same sense as the cheerleader girlfriend of the jock douchebag who had just kicked my ass in high school and walked away after calling me a faggot only to have her stay behind and with a smirk that she thinks says "I really care for you" says in all honesty: "You really DO look like a faggot. Can you try not doing that? I'll help you so long as you don't tell anyone." (I'm paraphrasing obviously, but you get the point) There is nothing funny in her video, unless you have anger towards fat people and think they are inherently funny without actually making up any jokes about that. Saying that a fat child sat next to you on an airplane and he was so fat you had to hold his fat away from your body is not amusing, it is cruel.

2) "But she makes some good points." I'll grant you this one. Tucked in between all of her unbridled anger and supposed "humor" about fat people are perfectly valid points and truths that most fat people, myself included, do not want to be reminded of. Yes, many fat people make poor choices. Yes, their health will probably be affected. Yes, fat people should not be placated simply because they are too fat to walk through an airport. I agree with all of these things. I don't agree that simply because she has a few truthful statements in there, we should respect her entire presence or her channel or her "talent". I also find it appalling that our culture often deems it okay to belittle people, whether they be fat, or uneducated, or whatever, simply because they were not "born that way" and can change, whereas these same people will say "We can't criticize black people or gay people because they were born that way." (Yes, I did notice that dear Nicole included us queers on the list of people that it was "okay" not to criticize.) It's a weird sort of Rube Goldberg bigotry, as if you're making your reasoning for being against a certain group of people go through all of these hoops and tunnels just to verify your standpoint. And it doesn't wash with me. I'd respect Nicole a lot more if she didn't couch her arguments in this pseudo-bullshit "But I really care about you and I'll love you no matter what" stance. There is a firm difference between the concept of tough love, or telling your fat friend that he shouldn't buy that pair of budgie smugglers, and pointing at him and exclaiming "Holy shit you're fucking fat what are you insane?"

3) "She has a right to say what she wants." Indeed she does, and this is the 1 argument in defense of her that I stand behind one hundred percent. I don't think she should be banned. I will never support censorship of any kind. No matter how hateful somebody's message is, they have a right to voice it, just as I have a right to listen or not listen and criticize it. It's the beauty of our country. Besides, I'd much rather give people enough rope that they can hang themselves if they so choose and I'd much rather have a hateful message out front and center so I know where I stand with someone instead of it being whispered behind my back.

4) "We are way too sensitive as a culture now." Oddly, I agree with this one halfway as well. The famous comedians I love were always offensive to some degree. George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Sam Kinison. Political correctness can be taken too far in our culture today and I do believe that many of us have knee jerk reactions to things we should really just wave away. However, and especially in comedy, the tone and manner in which you make your jokes can sometimes make all the difference in the world. There is a big, big difference between South Park featuring an episode about a gerbil trying to escape from Mr. Slave's ass and Andrew Dice Clay in his halcyon days referring to "transtesticles" and wondering if bisexuals wake up in the morning and flip a coin. Even that example could be construed as flawed because you could make the point that Dice Clay was playing a "caricature" of the exaggerated straight white Italian homophobic male. Though I'm pretty sure we've all decided as a culture in the ensuing years that no, he really wasn't it was just cruel bigotry wrapped in humor which is why we don't really see Dice Clay doing current bits like that on YouTube anymore (though I haven't looked for them).

Here are some points I want to make about this issue (some of them will be personal to me):

1) I exaggerate when I talk about Nicole Arbour's message a little. She hasn't burned a swastika on Morgan Freeman's lawn or anything. She simply made a video which she thought was funny in which she criticizes fat people. I don't think fat people are above criticism. But I do think every human should be above cruelty. It's okay, in my mind, when somebody wants to make a good but uncomfortable point about fat people and couches it in a very clever joke that laughs WITH us and not AT us. Nicole failed completely on this count.

2) Fat people know they are fat. I guarantee it. We don't need thin supposedly semi-attractive people reminding us with poor attempts at humor. I also take issue with Nicole equating her "love" for fat people with telling them what they already know and hoping that by doing so they stop stuffing their face and get exercise. Know what a thin, attractive person telling me something like this would have done to me in high school? It would have made me cry, and then want to kill myself even more than I already did. Admittedly, I was fucked up already. Still am. But thankfully now I just want to use my talent and write a response instead of cry. At least I've evolved that much.

3) The biggest thing I take issue with is the statement "Fat shaming is not a thing." I know from personal experience that it is. Shame is a thing that can come at any point in your life for any number of things. And most fat people shame themselves far too much already. I certainly do. It should never be okay to shame somebody else for their weight. I've heard this argument "Shame is an emotion, you can choose to feel or not to feel it." And that is absolute bullshit. That's like saying it was okay for the jock douchebag I mentioned earlier in this piece to yell "Faggot!" at me directly in my face because, well, I could simply choose not to feel the emotions his debasement could make me feel. It's BULLSHIT, plain and simple.

4) Just as a simple aside, know what works a lot better than some skinny bitch telling me "Eeeew you're fat!" Some skinny bitch wanting to be my friend and share a salad with me. I eat because of loneliness and self-esteem issues and a whole host of other things, including simply that food is fucking awesome, but I can damn well guarantee that a cruel "tough love" approach would make my situation worse not make me want to "prove you wrong". That is just this man's opinion.

Take these points, and Nicole's video, however you choose. But can we all just agree to love one another a little more often and that said love should be unconditional, or it has no real meaning?. Let's give it a try. In the meantime, I'm including a clip of a certain fat comedian no longer with us who understood the value of laughing WITH us and not AT us. This is talent. Enjoy.