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I've met a lot of overbearing, preening, strutting straight macho alpha males who are John Wayne fans which is probably why I've stayed away from his movies my whole life. Never seen a one. Too often when I was little I'd hear stupid shit like this thrown around by WWII era elders: "Stop whining. Be a man." after which they would proceed to watch one of the Duke's Westerns declaring things like "This is when men were men." Now, I'm not saying this happened exactly like that. That would be too perfect. That's a summation and an amalgam of countless times the concept of "Being a man" and the fact that I was not one but John Wayne was got thrown in my face. It's expected that I would not be a fan. The man stands as sort of a living, breathing antiquated notion of gender concepts writ large. But sometimes I meet a Duke fan who isn't an alpha douchebag and they try to defend him to me. I'm not yet convinced (especially when said fan proceeds to give me a hummer in the men's room), but this morning a clip from a Wayne film appeared on my Facebook dash which seemed to laugh in the face of such defenses, which in turn made me laugh. A horrified laugh. But still. I don't know what movie it's from, but essentially Wayne comes upon a little boy fishing. After teaching the boy the proper way to fish, the Duke learns that he does not know how to swim. What does this bastion of all that is good and right with masculinity do? Offer to teach the boy how to swim? Say he's sorry to hear that? Nope. He grabs the boy's fishing gear from his hand and throws it aside, picks the boy up (harshly), and tosses him in the water. After screaming and struggling a bit (the Duke keeps the boy's horrified mother at bay saying "Every man should learn how to swim.") the boy makes it to the other side and he and the Duke and his mother live happily ever after (I'm assuming, the clip ended). And I was sitting there slack-jawed. Is THIS what all those dickbags who picked on me for not being manly enough idolized? And worse, the boy in the movie is made to seem thankful. If I was him and the Duke was my Step-Dad I can tell you that it wouldn't be easy sleeping in that house forever after. I'd be plotting how to slit his throat in the middle of the night to rid the world of his macho bullshit. Am I being too harsh? Probably. And taken out of context, maybe the movie condemns his actions as well. But I don't think so. And I was glad of 2 things: That I was born in the era I was and not when films like this set the tone, and that I'm still not a John Wayne fan.
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I'm often asked by people who don't work retail: Do people really come in and shop on Christmas? Let me take the time to answer this question once and for all here. Yes. Yes they do. No matter the holiday or calamity or natural disaster, there will never be a shortage of stupid people wanting to come in and buy dumb shit. You can safely bet a million dollars the next time there's an Earthquake that, right after, some dickhole will be trying to purchase a Margarita mixing machine in WalMart (yes, I stole that from South Park lol). And this bastion of commerce will almost always say something stupid like "I'm so sorry you have to work on Christmas." while he shoves his pair of jingle bell socks and guava fruit tic tacs that he just couldn't do without for 1 fucking day toward me to ring up andf I'll inevitably have to stifle the urge to reply "Well if you fucking stayed home I wouldn't have to work, asshole." Merry Christmas everyone!
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Watching The Fellowship of the Ring again recently I was struck by how much nuance is in the film and why that, and good reaction shots, and emotional setup, are all key to what makes that series so successful and also what makes The Hobbit trilogy a poor successor. Reaction shots are so important. They can be overdone sometimes, but just think about the scene in Return of the King where the ring finally falls into the lava and Mordor begins to crumble. Peter Jackson takes the time to register different emotions from every main character fighting on the ground. As Aragorn and Legolas and Gandalf and the hobbits look up and realize that Frodo has succeeded at first they are overcome with joy and relief, but as the mountain explodes he returns to their faces and we see the dread on them and the realization that Frodo and Sam were probably destroyed in the blast (as far as they know). And even though we the viewer know they are safe, its important to convey both what the characters are thinking and the gravity of the situation. There is almost none of this in the Hobbit films. We can barely remember all of the dwarves' names, let alone their motivations beyond a simple "Returning to their homeland". And the one dwarf whose motivations we DO know is busy suffering from "gold sickness" or some bullshit. Counter that with the subtle but very powerful story of Theoden in LOTR, who for all intents and purposes is master of his domain and king of all that he surveys but must unselfishly put all of that aside to make way for Aragorn to be King of Minas Tirith. The moment when he pauses after Aragorn tells him that the beacons are lit and Gondor calls for aid is beautiful. We know he could be selfish and turn his back and all will be lost. But he does not. Instead, he decides to go to war. A war in which he will end up dead. That's heroism and the stuff that good stories are made out of. And there is very little of that in the Hobbit films. Bilbo's story is a good one and a nice anchor for the movies. But its slight compared to Frodo who sacrifices his life. I'm not saying there isn't worthy stuff in those films and great performances, but in the end, its a lot of spectacle and not much heart. And that's the key.
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Some thoughts on Star Wars: Rogue One:
Holy shit Gareth Edwards, you've made the best Star Wars movie since the original trilogy.
Diego Luna needs to be in more movies and do more nude scenes point blank. That man is hot. And talented. Not necessarily in that order. He actually made me cry with his speech about doing awful things for the Rebellion.
Something else that made me cry: the deaths of Chirrut and Baze. And I don't care what anybody else says, they definitely rang my gaydar throughout the movie so I'm going with "They're queer". It was so touching when Baze repeated Chirrut's mantra about the Force as he sought some revenge.
The fan orgasm that was Darth Vader's castle on Mustafar. I was not aware that Vader had a castle on the planet where Obi Wan mortally wounded him (though I'm guessing it is in some of the animated spin offs) but this was fucking brilliant. He's like the Frankenstein monster if he had killed his Creator and everyone else in the castle and decided to stay there. Except instead of a bed he stays in some weird blue bubbling misty liquid vat. This whole sequence was fascinating. First of all, the only people we see there with him are two Imperial guards. Do they follow him everywhere? Is it just the three of them there? So many freaky unanswered questions.
Not to mention Vader's amazing siege on more than a dozen armed men in a dark hallway where he proceeds to cut them down with either his light saber or the Force. This was an excellent reminder of why Darth Vader so captivated audiences in the first place. He's scary. And badass. Indeed, when he first approaches in the pitch black hallway, all we hear is his heavy breathing. It was like something out of a horror movie.
The Death Star when experienced from the ground is fucking terrifying again. Remember way back when Tarkin uses the Death Star to destroy Princess Leia's planet killing billions of people and you were like motherfucker that's awful. But then in subsequent sequels (not to mention Family Guy parodies) it became quite comical because the Empire keeps building the same thing over again and putting the same weaknesses in it and you kinda forgot how horrified you were the first time you saw it put into action. But watching it blow up just a city in this film as the characters on the ground from miles away struggle to get out of the debris, was amazing. And terrifying again. Kudos. A planet killer should be nothing if not scary and impressive.
This is a war movie. And a dirty, grimy one filled with characters of questionable morals. As it should be.
I have NEVER been a proponent of CGI. I hate it usually. But here, it looks beautiful. So if it could look this good all the time I'd be a happy guy.
My only tiny quibble was Darth Vader's voice. It sounds frail and old, as James Earl Jones no doubt is at this point. And I'm not saying I want somebody doing an approximation of his voice. While he's alive I'd much rather have the real thing. But I kept thinking "Christ they raised Peter Cushing from the dead for this movie couldn't they make James Earl Jone's voice a little scarier digitially or something? But besides that, not many nitpicks here. This is a kickass movie.
Watching The Fellowship of the Ring again recently I was struck by how much nuance is in the film and why that, and good reaction shots, and emotional setup, are all key to what makes that series so successful and also what makes The Hobbit trilogy a poor successor. Reaction shots are so important. They can be overdone sometimes, but just think about the scene in Return of the King where the ring finally falls into the lava and Mordor begins to crumble. Peter Jackson takes the time to register different emotions from every main character fighting on the ground. As Aragorn and Legolas and Gandalf and the hobbits look up and realize that Frodo has succeeded at first they are overcome with joy and relief, but as the mountain explodes he returns to their faces and we see the dread on them and the realization that Frodo and Sam were probably destroyed in the blast (as far as they know). And even though we the viewer know they are safe, its important to convey both what the characters are thinking and the gravity of the situation. There is almost none of this in the Hobbit films. We can barely remember all of the dwarves' names, let alone their motivations beyond a simple "Returning to their homeland". And the one dwarf whose motivations we DO know is busy suffering from "gold sickness" or some bullshit. Counter that with the subtle but very powerful story of Theoden in LOTR, who for all intents and purposes is master of his domain and king of all that he surveys but must unselfishly put all of that aside to make way for Aragorn to be King of Minas Tirith. The moment when he pauses after Aragorn tells him that the beacons are lit and Gondor calls for aid is beautiful. We know he could be selfish and turn his back and all will be lost. But he does not. Instead, he decides to go to war. A war in which he will end up dead. That's heroism and the stuff that good stories are made out of. And there is very little of that in the Hobbit films. Bilbo's story is a good one and a nice anchor for the movies. But its slight compared to Frodo who sacrifices his life. I'm not saying there isn't worthy stuff in those films and great performances, but in the end, its a lot of spectacle and not much heart. And that's the key.
------------------------------------
Some thoughts on Star Wars: Rogue One:
Holy shit Gareth Edwards, you've made the best Star Wars movie since the original trilogy.
Diego Luna needs to be in more movies and do more nude scenes point blank. That man is hot. And talented. Not necessarily in that order. He actually made me cry with his speech about doing awful things for the Rebellion.
Something else that made me cry: the deaths of Chirrut and Baze. And I don't care what anybody else says, they definitely rang my gaydar throughout the movie so I'm going with "They're queer". It was so touching when Baze repeated Chirrut's mantra about the Force as he sought some revenge.
The fan orgasm that was Darth Vader's castle on Mustafar. I was not aware that Vader had a castle on the planet where Obi Wan mortally wounded him (though I'm guessing it is in some of the animated spin offs) but this was fucking brilliant. He's like the Frankenstein monster if he had killed his Creator and everyone else in the castle and decided to stay there. Except instead of a bed he stays in some weird blue bubbling misty liquid vat. This whole sequence was fascinating. First of all, the only people we see there with him are two Imperial guards. Do they follow him everywhere? Is it just the three of them there? So many freaky unanswered questions.
Not to mention Vader's amazing siege on more than a dozen armed men in a dark hallway where he proceeds to cut them down with either his light saber or the Force. This was an excellent reminder of why Darth Vader so captivated audiences in the first place. He's scary. And badass. Indeed, when he first approaches in the pitch black hallway, all we hear is his heavy breathing. It was like something out of a horror movie.
The Death Star when experienced from the ground is fucking terrifying again. Remember way back when Tarkin uses the Death Star to destroy Princess Leia's planet killing billions of people and you were like motherfucker that's awful. But then in subsequent sequels (not to mention Family Guy parodies) it became quite comical because the Empire keeps building the same thing over again and putting the same weaknesses in it and you kinda forgot how horrified you were the first time you saw it put into action. But watching it blow up just a city in this film as the characters on the ground from miles away struggle to get out of the debris, was amazing. And terrifying again. Kudos. A planet killer should be nothing if not scary and impressive.
This is a war movie. And a dirty, grimy one filled with characters of questionable morals. As it should be.
I have NEVER been a proponent of CGI. I hate it usually. But here, it looks beautiful. So if it could look this good all the time I'd be a happy guy.
My only tiny quibble was Darth Vader's voice. It sounds frail and old, as James Earl Jones no doubt is at this point. And I'm not saying I want somebody doing an approximation of his voice. While he's alive I'd much rather have the real thing. But I kept thinking "Christ they raised Peter Cushing from the dead for this movie couldn't they make James Earl Jone's voice a little scarier digitially or something? But besides that, not many nitpicks here. This is a kickass movie.
